Where You Belong
by Attenia
Summary: Cas decides to research ways to comfort humans when they are upset – specifically, Dean. It starts with nothing more than hugging, but things change. Trigger warning for panic attacks.


It had been a bad day. Sammy had tried to cheer him up, but in the end left defeated. Dean took another swig of vodka. Surely, if he got drunk enough, he could forget what a complete failure he was at everything. How he hurt everyone around him. How the world would be better off without him.

He turned around only to walk straight into a solid chest.

"Fuck, Cas! I told you, don't sneak up on me like that."

"Sam called me."

Of course he did. Little bastard. "Then go to Sam. Leave me alone."

"Sam called me for you."

Dean was about to turn his back on the angel, when Cas suddenly put both arms around him, holding him tightly, pinning Dean's own arms to his side.

"Uh… Cas? Why are you restraining me?"

"I am not restraining you. This is called hugging. Am I doing it wrong?"

What?

"Well, usually when you hug someone, you don't trap their arms. Give them an opportunity to hug back." Why was he educating Cas on proper hugging techniques when Dean should be kicking him out?

"I see." Cas adjusted his grip, leaving Dean's arms free, but not letting go of the hunter's torso. "Well? You said you are supposed to be hugging me back?"

"No, I said – never mind. Why are you hugging me?"

"I have been researching ways to comfort humans when they are distressed."

"I'm not _distressed_, Cas! Just leave me the hell alone."

"No."

"Fuck off! I don't want you here!"

Dean expected that to do it. Cas would sigh and leave him to his misery. It was what Sammy always did. Sometimes, Dean was just too much for anyone to handle. He got it. It didn't make him any less lonely, but he couldn't ask anyone to put up with him when he was in this state.

Cas didn't move so much as an inch. Dean made a halfhearted attempt to pull away, but the angel was a thousand times stronger than he was, and Dean's heart wasn't really in it.

"So how long do we stay like this?"

"Until you are no longer distressed."

"You may be waiting a while, buddy."

"I have time."

Crap, he was serious. "At least pass me my drink."

Cas moved his arm slightly to press two fingers to Dean's forehead. "No. You have had more than is healthy for you already. You will tax your liver with any more."

"Are you fucking serious! You can heal my stupid liver."

"Nevertheless, I won't let you do something destructive to yourself, not when I can help it."

This time, Dean's struggle to break free was more pronounced, and just as hopeless. His fists beat angrily against Cas' back, but Cas just took it. Eventually, Dean wore himself out. He sighed, resting his head on the angel's shoulder.

It felt strange and too close… but somehow, it was just what he needed. He hesitantly wrapped his arms around Cas and squeezed. Dean lost track of how long they stood there for as he breathed in the scent of Cas' hair. His tense muscles relaxed, and his mind finally shut off.

If he'd known Cas' touch could do this, he'd have been harassing the angel instead of getting himself shitfaced for months.

At some point, Cas pulled away, just enough to get a glimpse of Dean's face. "Are you ok, now, Dean?"

He was tempted to lie, just so that Cas would keep hugging him for longer, but Dean stifled the impulse. "I'm ok. I… uh… thanks, Cas."

"Of course, Dean. Call if you need me again."

Dean wanted to – oh how he wanted to. He didn't remember being this relaxed in… well, he wasn't sure how long. Over the next few weeks, he saw Cas on and off for cases, but the angel made no move to hug him again. There were a few times, late at night when he was feeling overwhelmed, that Dean was tempted to call, but he somehow couldn't force himself to do it.

He figured out the solution to his problem completely by accident. He'd just lost his temper with Sammy and broken the spindly motel bedside table. Less than a minute later, Cas appeared, teleporting Dean without a word to some empty room with a bed and a desk.

"Cas – what –?"

"Sam called. I thought it best to take us somewhere private."

Before Dean could respond, Cas' arms were around him again. This time, he didn't fight it. His eyes slipped closed as he relaxed against Cas' chest. Cas shuffled them to the bed, and they lay down, still in each other's arms. It felt weird at first, but Cas seemed unruffled, and Dean took cues from him.

"So… the bed?"

"Apparently, humans get tired standing for long periods of time. The bed seemed a better option."

It most certainly was better, but it was making Dean's mind go to decidedly dirty places. He tried to distract himself. "More research?"

"That's right. Why didn't you call me?"

Dean shrugged, and Cas let it go.

From then on, Dean knew how to get the physical contact he'd never before realized he needed – more specifically, needed from Cas. He'd yell and smash something in front of Sammy, who would then call Cas. Cas would whisk them off to some hotel and spend the night holding Dean.

It was a good system, but it relied on Sam.

What, then, was Dean supposed to do when Sammy wasn't available anymore?

They'd returned to the bunker, and Sam was in his room. Dean just managed to shut himself in his own room before his shaky legs gave out. He couldn't breathe. Why couldn't he breathe? There was no oxygen in the room. He tried to get up – he had to get out of here, to where there was air – but collapsed again before he even made it to his feet.

Dean needed Sammy to call Cas. If he called out, Sam would probably hear him, but he couldn't. Sam didn't want to be his brother anymore. Pain lanced through his chest as Dean gasped desperately for air.

It was no good. He'd have to call Cas himself. Dean had never asked for help in his life, and he didn't know how to do it, but his rapidly depleting store of oxygen had him gasping out a desperate prayer.

"Cas… help…"

It was enough. Cas appeared at once and swiftly pulled Dean up off the floor. "Dean! What is it?"

"Can't – breathe –"

Cas pressed two fingers to his forehead, and Dean expected immediate relief from whatever was wrong with his lungs, but it didn't work. Dean clutched the angel's shoulders, his legs doing nothing to hold up his own weight.

"Air – Cas – no air –"

"There is plenty of air in here, Dean. There's nothing physically wrong with you. I believe you're having a panic attack."

Dean didn't have the breath to speak as Cas hauled him to the bed, engulfing him in a tight hug.

"Just breathe, Dean. Slow down. You're ok, I promise. I have you."

There was an odd ringing in his ears, but Cas' voice cut right through all the noise. Dean clung to that voice trying to convince himself he could breathe. He failed, but Cas never left.

"Let it out, Dean. You know I will always be here for you. You don't have to hold your pain in with me."

Dean gasped in a shallow breath, and it came out as a harsh sob. It had been years since he'd cried like this – full on body wracking sobs with a river of tears that just didn't seem to stop.

"It's ok, it's ok," Cas murmured, starting to rock him gently.

"It's n-not – ok." Dean choked in another breath. "Sammy – C-Cas – he w-won't ever – f-forgive me. He said – he s-said he d-doesn't – w-w-want to – b-be my brother – any –anymore."

Cas stiffened. "What?" he hissed.

Dean couldn't say it again. He buried his head against Cas' chest, crying harder than ever. Crap, this was embarrassing, but he couldn't bring himself to care right now. Cas was holding him so firmly yet so gently, and it was soothing Dean in a way nothing else could.

His sobs had quieted to gentle tears when Cas gently lifted his chin. Dean had a brief glimpse of bright blue eyes before Cas was kissing him.

It was soft and tentative, and everything Dean wanted. But he couldn't, at least not yet. He had to make sure Cas understood. He wouldn't take advantage of his angel. "Cas?" Dean pulled back. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Kissing is rated one of the top ways to comfort humans."

Dean's heart sank. "No, Cas, not like this. Hugging is fine, but you don't kiss someone just to comfort them. You only kiss them if you mean it."

"You are referring to the desire for a sexual or romantic relationship?"

"Uh, yeah."

"I mean it, Dean."

That wasn't what he'd been expecting. "You want – romantic – or sexual – with me?" His voice had suddenly turned into a surprised squeak.

"Both. But only if you do, Dean."

Fuck, if all his dreams weren't coming true in one night. Another day, they'd discuss how long they'd both been wanting this, but for now, Dean's eyes were drawn to Cas' mouth. He pressed their lips together again. Dean groaned, taking control of the kiss, and Cas let him lead.

By they time they broke away, they were both hard and panting, but Dean was in no hurry. This wasn't a hookup; it was something much, much more. They fell asleep in each other's arms again, but this time was different.

Dean woke to an empty bed. He felt a flash of panic – what if Cas had changed his mind? Before he could freak out, Cas was back.

"Oh. I'm sorry, Dean, I didn't realize you'd wake up. I just needed to step out for a moment."

Dean held his arms open, and Cas willingly came back into them. "Where did you go?"

"I had a… chat with Sam."

He couldn't help flinching.

"Don't worry, Dean. Sam realizes he was wrong. He will apologize to you at breakfast."

Sam came to breakfast with two black eyes and his arm in a sling.

"Sammy – what?"

"Dean, I need to apologize. I was being a dick. I love you, and I still want you as my brother."

Despite his worry for Sam's condition, Dean felt warmth suffuse him. Sammy still wanted him. It wasn't just a show for Cas, he could see sincerity in Sam's eyes. He pulled his brother into a hug, ignoring Sam's wince as his arm was jostled. Dean shot an accusing glare at Cas. "What did you do?"

Cas shrugged. "I won't let anyone hurt you, Dean, not even your brother." Then he stepped up and healed Sam with a simple touch and a warning look.

Dean knew he should be telling the angel off, but instead, he found himself laughing. Cas wrapped his arms around Dean from behind. He grabbed one of the angel's wrists. "You're not flying off again, not this time. This is where you belong."

He'd expected an argument, but Cas simply hummed happily. "Where I belong," he agreed.


End file.
